Monday, April 26, 2010

here I am...

Theme Song of the Day:

Has it really been six months since I've written here??
My, how time flies when one is.... well, flying....

Has it really been one year since I left Hawaii, in search of ...?
Am I a different person now, or am I simply more of me?

I feel as though I've stepped out of a costume, some kinda WheretheWildThingsAreWolfSuit maybe, or an AmericanPsycho-style corporate suite, or maybe some kinda AncientSuitOfArmour, dented and scratched and clawed but still intact, even if only just ...I've stepped out of those costumes and have stepped into my skin...

...and I'm not sure that I can remember any other time in my life when I've ever felt so... how can I say this... ME.

It's like I've met myself all over again, as if I was catching up with a good friend, the kind of friend that you've lost touch with though you don't ever forget about, as the paths of your lives have turned and twisted you both off in different directions, with all the triumphs, the falls, the joy, the sorrow, the tangents ....the GIFTS.... that come along the way.

And then, ten years later, your paths cross again and you smile and hug and sit down with a cold beer or maybe a hot cup of coffee and it's like you've never left, you just pick up the conversation and the friendship where you left off, except now the conversation is so much richer because there is ten whole years of stories to catch each other up on...

...imagine now, that this friend you're catching up with, that is sitting at the other side of the table, this friend is YOU. The you that you were 12 months ago, or 12 years ago, it just depends on when and where and how you are catching up with yourFriendyou.... though you've travelled thousands of miles and had countless experiences and been away for so long.... THERE YOU ARE.

That's where I'm at ....and it's a wonderful feeling... and I'm thankful for the teachers I've met along the way, those fellow souls [you know who you are!] who've reached out and touched me, over a cup of coffee or a shared journey or through cyberspace... I am thankful for each and every one of you, and for the gifts that we've shared along the way...

...this blog had become a promotional poster for me while I was in the thick of competing for the EntirelyWorldFamousNZ Blogger Competition, which was fun while it lasted, and was a very necessary part of my journey... though it took me away from the very reason I started this blog anyway: simply to write.

I started writing here for me.

It may sound selfish, perhaps even arrogant, though it is the simple truth.

I write to write, so that I can reach that point where I am no longer thinking of what to write next because my fingers are just blurring from the words pouring out of my heart through my fingers and onto the unblinking screen - my fingers have not given it enough time to rest, pausing only sporadically to allow the cursor to catch its breath...

I write for these moments, and when my heart is finished pouring itself out, then i can pause, take a deep breath, look back and read what my heart has written.

I write because a life worth LIVING is a life worth RECORDING... and that is the kind of life I want for me...

So often our inner journeys are reflected in our physical travels …or is it the other way around? The journey back to ourselves is deeply personal, yet universally human …and therefore a powerfully shared experience... so it is my absolute privellege to share these thoughts with you here... it's nice to be back!

"The Hero of my Tale,
Whom I love with all the power of my Soul,
Whom I have tried to portray in all his Beauty,
Who has Been,
and Will Be,
is TRUTH."
- Leo Tolstoy -

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  1. It's a beautiful beginning to start with...
    I'll be really looking forward for it.

  2. Awesome, Dude! Where have u been...WELCOME back!

  3. I will regret for my whole life if I don't write this to you today!

    It was so wonderful moment that I met you at Hawaii Yacht Club one years ago. Your eyes were so attractive ....God! still remember that "moment", feeling really great! I never have such feeling in my whole life even my exboyfriend sat beside me at that time. After that night, my exboyfriend wants to broken up with me....I just don't know why always recalled that "moment" after then. I believe must God sent a very special person, who would guide me in different path of my life. I wants to contact with you. However, your phone was disconnect in Hawaii... until one night have a very crazy dream, you were in my dream ....
    After then I sign up FB...finally I have such wonderful journey through your blog...really appreciated your inspiration through your life experience... My life and soul truly change because of YOU!

    You already knew who I am :)

  4. insofar as writing is a subject matter within this post, i should note that your writing here is indeed superb.

    but beyond that, what you are experiencing is what Jung called individuation. in other words, actualization -- becoming who you essentially are. and in a nod to our homeland, in Huna talk, your unihipili is uniting with your uhane and aumakua and the balance has arrived.

    you are pono.

    this is so good, Matthew. this is why i so envied you when we met, because i knew where you would land, and what an amazing journey you are having. what i didn't know at the time, however, was that all journeys are amazing, whether they include globe trotting or shopping at Target. the magic is everywhere. you simply have to adjust your eyes to see the faeries.

    i love that you feel things deeply. i love even more that you can relay with such clarity your lessons to others; this makes you a servant of the light.


  5. brother,
    loving your work as always.... hope that message i gave you over coffee the other week is still resonating... I meant it !
    looking forward to doing crazy fun things to embrace our full potential to add love, fun and positive examples of how to live an amazing life to many millions around the world.... one cheeky smile at a time :-) and lots of laughing along the way...
    your friend.
    deano (aka - dean steele-bennett)